Lubbock Left

In honor of Ben Stein’s creationist shill-fest that’s opening in theaters this weekend, have an internet parody!

Some of the YouTube comments for this video were absolutely hilarious! Observe:

The theory of sex is incredibly lame. I know about people who have tried this “sex” thing multiple times, but no babies appeared!

And no one has never ever observed a baby appearing during sex!

Clearly, sex is nonsense. It doesn’t work. It’s just an evil ideology, a religion which contradicts the glory of the Stork.

And another:

Sex theorists want us to believe a sperm and an egg magically turn into a baby after 9 months LOL, where the proof?! They say sonographs are accurate but they date the age of the baby from the results but use the results to prove the sonograph, circular logic! Both theories have their problems, but Stork theory just have more evidence.

And yet another:

The Stork Theory of Delivery (STD) has been totally scorned by scientists. I guess they don’t like to have their pet theories about Sex questioned (even though it’s stupid - I’ve had sex hundreds of times and never had a baby).

Even if they don’t want to have STD in schools they could at least teach the controversy.

In the new media cycle, Friday is the most important day because it’s when office workers slack off and look for funny internet videos!

I’m lovin it!

It’s making the rounds:

The real will always recognize the real.

Sometimes I turn the car radio to conservative AM talk radio because I hate myself and love heartburn.

On my to lunch today, I actually heard Rush Limbaugh attack the idea of “hope,” which one might argue is the primary message of Obama’s campaign. Rush used a Nietzsche quote (of all things) to back himself up, and got into it with a caller who was saying that hope kept him alive for 52 years.

The whole exchange had Rush looking like the bully that he is. I understand the Rovean strategy of “attack your opponent’s strengths,” but some concepts are simply unassailable.

Good luck with your battle against hope, wingnuts.

Wow, this parody of the “Yes, We Can” video is simply hilarious:

Just had to share — pass it on!

Obama has had a very, very good weekend and the start of an excellent week. Not only did he win big in South Carolina, but he received a few big endorsements including Caroline Kennedy (JFK’s daughter) and Ted Kennedy, who has been deliberately neutral until now.

Tonight, however I found out that a voice I really try hard to hear has endorsed my candidate of choice: Randall Munroe, author of my favorite webcomic xkcd. His blog announcement is particularly eloquent:

I want, for once, someone I can vote for not because I dislike the other candidate, but because I’m proud of mine. Obama is the real thing.

Obama has shown a real commitment to open government. When putting together tech policy (to take an example close to home for xkcd) others might have gone to industry lobbyists. Obama went to Lawrence Lessig, founder of Creative Commons (under which xkcd is published) and longtime white knight in the struggle with a broken system over internet and copyright policy.

…

The Democratic party has a long, painful history of nominating unlikable, uncharismatic ‘default’ establishment candidates who are eventually swatted aside by the voters. Nominating Clinton would be continuing that tradition at the very time when we have a chance to do so much better. Let’s not let that chance slip by.

I want someone who can lead the country. When people grow cynical and detached from government, or blinded by partisanship, evil runs amok. Obama represents an honest shot at making our government something we can be proud of. I’m tired of throwing things at CNN. I’m tired of feeling depressed when I read speeches by the founding fathers. I want Jon Stewart to smile again. For a brief moment, next Tuesday, we’ll have a shot at finally getting things right. Please help.

Right on, Randall.

As a bonus, here’s a sample of xkcd that we have taped up on the wall at the office:

Happy Solstice Everyone

In what could produce ripples through the national educational system, voters in Maine have ousted over 2,000 years of educational doctrine. In a vote of no-confidence, locals have voted out the Druid majority from local school boards. In an overwhelming vote, the communities of Samhain and Cuithe have decided that the time has come to end the Druidian stronghold over their communities.

These communities as well as others scattered across the northeastern seaboard have seen a rapid decrease in Druidian representation. Starting with the defeat of 237 time elected mayor Gaelen the Round of Bath, the Druidian influence has taken a dramatic downturn. “We were simply looking for a different, more enlightened approach to education” said Pierre DeMarco, head of the Samhain Parent Teacher Association.

Under the Druidian school system, students were forced to learn topics like metallurgy, herpetology, stonemasonry and astrology. Senior Douglas Young believed the Druid curriculum was a valuable addition to his core classes. “I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like we killed dogs or anything.” The use of canines for incantations was replaced by felines in the late 1720’s.

The news could not have come at a worse time for the Druid community. “We’re all pretty tired from the Solstice Ceremony and concert and then we get this news. Everyone is a bit disoriented by these turn of events”, said Nigel Tufnel, founder of the band Spinal Tap and Northern 35th Level Druid. When asked about the future for the Druids in Maine education, Tufnel added, “We’ll just have to see how the bones fall but we are not ruling out litigation.”

Freda over at A Liberal Lubbockian wrote a pretty hilarious poem yesterday. Here’s the first bit:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the White House
no creature was stirring, not even some louse.

The Congress was nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of pages danced in their heads.

I promise you the whole thing is even more hilarious!

Warning: More Satire from Helmut

A sudden spark in hostilities as thrown the world into conflict this week. A Declaration of War was delivered to St. Nicholas by the Foreign Minister of Nunavut laying out the intentions of several hostile Inuet tribes to war against Christmas. Inuet tribes are accusing the jolly elf of over aggressive border movements by reindeer in the area. It is unknown whether or not these movements are tantamount to war by the international community but violence has erupted along a 2,000 mile border between the state of Nunavut and the North Pole.

St. Nicholas, Prime Minister of the North Pole has asked for the United Nations to send in peace keeping forces to the region but it is doubtful that the Security Council will make a decision before the the New Year. Most ambassadors have been implicated in a scandal involving the promises to be good and bribing of cookies and milk for presents from Santa. With the UN in an uneasy situation and most ambassadors already out of New York for the Christmas holiday, it is unlikely they will be able to return before the upcoming deadline for hostilities.

The United States is debating the possibility of unilaterally intervening in the conflict. Members of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations met in a closed door meeting on Tuesday to discuss it’s options. Ranking members were rumored to be discussing the use US veterans from the Iraqi war to save Christmas. With continued pressure mounting by business leaders and religious interests in certain swing states, it is likely that a joint resolution to use military force will be announced by the end of the week.